Time to cut your hair and get a job

Sometimes a single word changes your understanding of a different culture.

My youngest son, 2,5 years old, goes to a toddler school. Their theme for the week is "Community Helpers". We happen to have an "educational poster" of community helpers. (Educational posters are very common here, we have stuff with plants, musical instruments, national heroes, numbers, letters, fish, you name it)

Yesterday my wife L asks my son J how school has been.

He goes "Fine."

She turns to the poster and points at a police officer and says "Do you recognise this guy?"

He goes "Pig."

I'll tell ya, them kindergartens in the Philippines teach the kids at a completely different level.

/J.

Birds of Spray

Where there's people there's vendors. The sell all kinds of foods or products you can think of. And some you hadn't thought of. Last week I joined a school outing* with my oldest son to Manila Zoo. Outside the zoo there was a man selling - I shit you not - tree sparrows that had been spray painted red or green, in a vain attempt to make them appear more exotic**.

/J.

*I find school outings very educational. A month ago it was Sports day, which meant a 7am Saturday morning assembly to have the four-year-olds:

- go marching up and down the square

- pray

- sing the national anthem and

- take an oath of sportsmanship

before starting with the sports, which included things like peeling quail eggs and tossing water balloons to each other. This time it was the Zoo and a stage production of Aladdin. Mostly, though, it was waiting. Out of a 10-hour trip, 7,5 were spent on the bus or in a queue. The Aladdin show was great. The kids loved it. Manila Zoo, not so great. But of course, the kids loved it (and the outing was for them, not for me). I just have hard time looking at animal confined in a space so small they can hardly move - like a 3-foot Rufous Hornbill confined in a 1 m3 cage.

** Really, selling birds in the street is bad for a number of reasons (especially if you are the bird). On the flip side of this though, trade with endemic and/or rare species is a problem in the Philippines and elsewhere, so, given a choice, I'd rather see the introduced (as often regarded as pest) tree sparrows being fenced than a Philippine Cockatoo or Luzon Bleeding Heart

Never Never Land

Once a month or so we go to a shopping mall halfway to Manila to stock up on crisp bread, ham, whole grain flour and other necessities of life.

Gopher Jrs love this. Not that they’re fond of shopping, but the mall also has a place called FUNLAND, where we take them for an hour or so while one of us gets some extra shopping time.

FUNLAND includes a trampoline…

…slides…

…big plastic cars

…basketball hoops…

...a child-friendly assault course...

…a big container filled with plastic balls (a.k.a. The Germ Pit)…

Even I have fun there. But not all is mindless running and shouting. FUNLAND also have a place for reflection and contemplation. The Reading corner.

The sign says:

Children's Reading Corner will take you to never never land,
to the magical world of princes and princesses and many other faraway places,
but please observe the following house rules:
- This area is strictly for reading books only

- Playing is not allowed in this area

- Do not bring the books outside this area
- Request for an adult to keep you company
Our crew attendant are most happy to help you

And please return the books to its proper shelves
Thank You and Enjoy Reading

(Sorry about the poor shot).

Just a quiet place (as quiet as they get in Filipino shopping malls) to enjoy a good book. I personally think it's a great idea. But the again, the book shelves looks like this…

The sign under the "...No playing is allowed in this area..." sign is this...

And what they’re really doing is this...

/J.

You want to go where everybody knows your name

The last phrase of the theme of my favourite sitcom growing up has stuck with me as a description of a sense of home throughout the years. And being expat it is something you ponder about a lot. If you want some thought on it in proper English, the munificent Secret Wombat has had some entries on it.

This morning it happened again. My Yaya (nanny for my kids) told me there was a woman outside who wanted to sell me a fish.
- "She knows your name" C. said, which is code for "You'd better go out and talk to her"
So I did (and bought the fish)(and it was tasty).

I had never (knowingly) seen her before, but she knew who I was.

This particular incident is not hard to explain: I usually buy food that people bring to my doorstep. I figure I'm giving more back to the community that way. There's a good chance the woman knew someone who had earlier sold something to me. Maybe cucumbers. But it is part of a pattern.

Two weeks ago in the supermarket a man whom I've never (knowingly) seen before comes up to me at the check-out and says:
-"Sir, your lights are on"
After a split second of considering and dismissing the thought that this might be code for "Your fly is open" or "There's a huge bugger hanging out of your right nostril", I thanked him and said I'll be out in a minute to take care of it.

Now, did this man see me get out of my car? Probably not, why would he wait forty-five minutes to tell me? Then how, out of the hundred cars in the parking lot, did he match the one with the lights on to me?

A month ago my water distributor went out of business so I went to one of their competitors to ask them to start delivering water to me. I walk in to an office of a company I have never had anything to do with before, addressing a man I have never (knowingly) seen before and asked to have water delivered.
- “How many, sir?”
- “Five, please.”
- “Round?”
- “Yes, please.”
I pay him and sign my name on a receipt. When I start to fill up the address-part I am interrupted by:
-"It's OK, sir, I know where you live"

Not in a threatening way. Just pure service. But you do start to wonder why: Is it “It’s that guy that screams at his children all the time” or “It’s that guy that bought cucumbers from my cousin” or “It’s that guy that walks in the rain without an umbrella”.

Whoever you are, you are not a stranger, you can’t be. There is no such thing as anonymity (with a few exceptions, I know). This IS the land of "Hey Joe"(Which, by the way, is close enough) where you get cheery greetings from every Tom, Dick and Jhun-Jhun, but among these are also an impressive number who actually know who you are.

And it leaves me with a feeling of reassurance since I know there are people out there who obviously are looking out for me, but also a feeling of sadness because I realise that being home is not just where everybody knows your name.

You know theirs, too.

/J.

Top Ten this that will not happen to you in my burrow, No 9

9. The driver in the car behind you will not be overly annoyed if you stop at a red light

I was going down to Batangas and ran into a red light at a crossing, where I, as a result of my previous schooling, stopped. (I would have done it even if it were no traffic. Here there were cars coming in from both sides). The car behind immediately started honking and my Filipino friend J, who was sitting next to me wondered what I was doing, stopping in the middle of the road like that.

– “Is something wrong”
- “It´s red”, I said, pointing at the lights.
- “Oh, that. No, nobody takes notice of the traffic lights here. Just go with the flow”

Traffic in the Philippines is nothing like home but it basically boils down to one single aspect:

A brief acquaintance told me about the first mail he ever received in the Philippines. It had a short tag in the end, like a randomly selected word of wisdom, which read: ”Welcome to the Philippines – where the law is just a suggestion”. When you realise that what you learned about traffic rules are just suggestions, driving is much easier. Here are some tips:

1. There is the general right of way if you’re coming from the right. But it’s modified to include the size of your car. Thus, if you have a big car (= high status) the right-rule only applies if you meet another big car. Otherwise you get right of way from the I-got-a-bigger-car-rule.

2. Traffic lights, if you can find them, has the following colour code
Green= GO!
Yellow= GO!
Red= Look before you GO!

3. Stop signs, where I’ve learned that you must come to a complete stop has been modified to mean ”you might consider shifting down to third gear before you GO!”

4. You communicate by honking and flashing. Don’t be afraid to use it. This span from the courteous “I’m coming”, “Thank you”, “Please pass” to the usual “Get out of my way” and “…and your mama” honks.

5. Streets, even highways, are public spaces inhabited not only by cars, jeepneys, tricycles and motorbikes but also children, basketball matches, food vendors, and dogs. All non-vehicles except dogs will move when you come.

/J.
The picture shows the signs telling you how to get out from SM Southmall. I tried to stop to take the picture, but a security guard had other ideas so I had to go around to get this fantastic paparazzi shot.