Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Top Ten things that will not happen to you in my burrow: No 10, May 17 2006

If you compare Fairydale with my usual burrow you’ll find it hotter, dirtier and infinitely poorer (in the monetary sense of the word). You’ll also find that gophers are still gophers with the same need for love and confirmation, who go about their lives with the same general elements of work, family, friends and the occasional chewing on tree roots. The most interesting differences lie in the small things.
Here’s the Top Ten List:

10. If you take a walk in the rain no one will kindly inform you about the current weather condition.

This has happen to me numerous times, especially if I bring the Gopher Juniors, which generates the following conversation:

Kind person with masters in meteorology: Sir, It’s raining….

Me: Yes. (Oh, it that what it is. Back where I come from we don’t have rain you see. I thought somebody was offering a free shower. You mean there’s no sprinkler? How does it work then? Where’s the faucet? Rain, you say, interesting word...does it happen often?)

Kind person with masters in meteorology and apparently not totally blind and def: Sir, you have kids…

Me: Yes. (Oh, is that what they are. Thanks for informing me. It’s really good that you told me ‘cause they've been following me around for quite sometime now, and I really don’t know what to do with them. They keep asking me for “ice cream”, do you know what that is?).

Kind person leaves since I am clearly beyond rescue.

Yes, of course I know it is important to be clean here, and bringing your progeny to the mudpool they call playground will not leave them in a shiny state, but really. I might be a Gopher, but I’m not that stupid.


secret wombat said...

My top ten would include:

When you ask, with concern, how a woman you know came to be wearing a bandace on her arm, she does not say, in a serious voice: "I was raped last night," before bursting out luaghing at her hilarious joke.


Lone Gopher said...

If it happened to me it would definitely been in the top three.

And also welcome to the burrow. I'm glad my low-key marketing worked.


secret wombat said...

wombats and gophers have affinity, i'm sure. And of course I meant "bandage" not "bandace".

Lone Gopher said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lone Gopher said...

Damn! I thought I learned a new word. Not surprising I glanced at your concept before naming the site. Unfortunately there are no interesting sounding animal in my part of the world ("Elusive Elk", went right out for instance). I thought about stealing a marsupial to mesh with my carrying around kids but "Undercover Kangaroo" didn't catch on either.