Friday, January 26, 2007

Hope sprains eternal

So, I’m out of a job again, and moping about it.
The last couple of days I’ve been hooked on job sites, international and national. The international are clearly more interesting – but I seem to have chosen the wrong career to be a player on that circuit.

The national are a bit more discouraging careerwise, (Sure, I could be a English tutor for 2$ an hour, but it wouldn’t cover my transport cost of going in to Manila) but the do offer a smile now and then.

Here are some of the positions offered:
13. - Technical Writter(Proficient in Adobe Framemaker)

-Graduate of any IT related course -at least 1 yr experience as a technical writter -Proficient with Adobe PageMaker - Very Good oral and written English
Location: Makati - Manila Salary: 20k-35k

They do need one, don’t they?

39. - Guidance Head

BS/AB Psychology graduate; with MA units; effective counseling skills; 3-5 yrs exp. as Head
Location: Molino 3, Bacoor - Cavite Salary: Upon Interview Date: 16 January 2007

My head has 32 years of experience, are you sure I need a psych grad as well?

14. - Mixed Signal Equipment Engineering Engineer

REQUIREMENTS: Candidate must possess at least a Bachelor's/College Degree in Engineering (EE/ECE) or equivalent. Knowledgeable in Basic Circuit Analysis, Test Methodology, and Basic Test Equipment Maintenance. Proficient in Test Debugging, Test Equipment Operation, Handler and Prober Operations, Use of Test Instruments, Word Processing and Spreadsheet, and Unix Environment. Willing to relocate to Laguna Location: Calamba - Laguna Salary: negotiable Date: 5 January 2007

OK, I’m not an engineer, but I’ve lived in the Philippines for over a year, should make me as good with mixed signals as anyone. Too bad, I hear engineering engineers are the best (as opposed to the low-life non-engineering engineers)


4. Ilustrator
Those who can provide illustration and image for the children's English book
Location: Makati - Manila Salary: negotiable Date: 13 January 2007

Three words. ”With a melon!?”.

6. House Parents
Couple to work together as house parents for former street children and orphans in a cottage at the South Campus of Christians' Haven. Man and wife must be dedicated, active, born again Christians.
Location: Manticao/Northern Mindanao - Near Iligan City - Misamis Oriental Salary: 7K + 5K/month Date: 28 December 2006

Well, as long as I don’t have to actually gice birth to it…


48. Part-time Tutor for Computer
We are looking for professional who would like to teach the following computer applications: 1. Autocad 2. Adobe Photoshop 3. Visual Basic 4. C++ 5. Corel Draw Interested applicants may send their resume via email :
Location: Paranaque - Manila Salary: negotiable Date: 18 January 2007

Thanks, but no thanks. I was a teacher once and had an Abobe Photoshop in my class. I can’t teach those bastards anything.

74. - Native Speaker(part time or full time)
Qualifications: 1. Preferably with teaching experience 2. Hard-working and dedicated 3. Competent to train ESL Teachers 4. Punctual and with high sense of responsibility
Location: Cebu City - Cebu Salary: very competitive Date: 13 January 2007

If it only hadn’t been in Cebu. I speak native, like, fluently…


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Txt u l8r

I have a hard time throwing stuff away, so before I go ahead and delete the messages from my inbox, I will share some of my favourites with you:

List of 5 outstanding text messages sent to me

5. Category: Most obvious denial of the t9-function
Sent to me by one of L's acquaintances before a meeting in Mega Mall. It's just unusual 2 c a txt usin an xtra lttr her n d pilipins.

- wat name of backery?-

4. Category: Most creative use of umlauts, occasional uppercase letters and grave accents.
Sent to me from yaya C when she obviously thought I needed some cheering up. Well, it worked, maybe not in the way she intended though.

As thè
möön winks
at ü
ì wish
ü tight
i HöPe
ür dAy
wäs Qüitè
f0r n0w
i bid ü,

(The runner-up for that one was: Ängels usuälly shöwer gräces eärly in the mrning, sö i göt up erly 2däy 2 ask dem 2 täke cäre öf u,guide u in whätever u dö & prötect u whrevr u gö.Gudm0rning!!)

3. Category: Necks of kin who hates hip hop
Sent to me when I was trying to reach helper G

- Sory sir’dis not [G],I’m knees of [G].nd I’m nt n d house -

2. Category: Priceless Portmanteau.
Sent to me from above mentioned helper G

- Ok norblem by. [G]. -

1. Category: Don't ever give your number to people you don't know.
This was sent by a guy named Alex. I met him and his friends at the town park when I'd just gotten here. They were students from San Pablo, talked about their lives, played some with my kids, were generally nice people. After a while they asked if they could have my number. After a week or so, Alex sent me this, totally unsolicited text.

- I oftn catch myslf constantly wondering hw u r, sittn alone w/ my mind set s0 far..Reminiscin abt ur smyl, ur voice, Oh my!…im missin u 2 much!-


Thursday, January 18, 2007

Time to cut your hair and get a job

Sometimes a single word changes your understanding of a different culture.

My youngest son, 2,5 years old, goes to a toddler school. Their theme for the week is "Community Helpers". We happen to have an "educational poster" of community helpers. (Educational posters are very common here, we have stuff with plants, musical instruments, national heroes, numbers, letters, fish, you name it)

Yesterday my wife L asks my son J how school has been.

He goes "Fine."

She turns to the poster and points at a police officer and says "Do you recognise this guy?"

He goes "Pig."

I'll tell ya, them kindergartens in the Philippines teach the kids at a completely different level.


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Politeness, epilogue

Small item, in reference to an earlier post.

I wrote some on my book today, and had to look up the word fuckup in Wiktionary to see how it translated into other languages. The only available translation? Sure enough, it was the Russians.


Friday, January 12, 2007

New costume, same shit

I was going to write something funny about radio in the Philippines, but ended up with a reminder of the governing methods of the country I'm living in who ousted their dictator in a spectacular non-violent revolution 21 years ago. Apparantly Malacanang put out a press release from the Cebu Citizen's Press Council with regard to the ASEAN Summit being held in Cebu at the moment:

Cebu Press Council appeals for sobriety among media, local officials
CEBU CITY – In an effort to show the best side of Cebu province, the Cebu Citizens Press Council (CCPC) called on the media and local officials Tuesday to show a greater sense of responsibility for an excellent media coverage and a successful hosting of the four-day 12th Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Summit which opens here Sunday.
In a resolution, the CCPC appealed to media practitioners to show a deeper sense of community in reporting and commenting on the news during the four-day summit and for public officials to show restraint in their disagreement with what it called specific media lapses or practices.
“The CCPC hereby appeals for greater sense of responsibility on both sides, the press and the government, for excellent media coverage and for a successful hosting of the summit,” the resolution said.
Meeting en banc for their fourth quarterly meeting at the MBF Cebu Press Center in Lahug, the CCPC noted the vast importance to the country in general and Cebu in particular of the 12th ASEAN Summit.
It also cited the major stake of the Cebuanos in the event which is expected to provide unprecedented opportunity to showcase the best of the province to foreign visitors.
“The Cebu media can greatly help in presenting Cebu’s rich heritage, culture and values; its advances in governance, education, and technology; and the attractions of the province as tourism and investment destination,” the CCPC resolution said.
The CCPC likewise pointed out that public officials should also put off public discussions of their grievances and misconceptions about the summit so that their actions could not fuel negative reporting by the media.

More here.